source: jokes.comedycentral.com?

A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science fair. He was attempting to show how conditioned we have become to alarmists practicing junk science and spreading fear of everything in our environment.In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination of the chemical ?dihydrogen monoxide.? And for plenty of good reasons:
1. It can cause excessive sweating and vomiting
2. It is a major component of acid rain
3. It can cause severe burns in its gaseous state
4. Accidental inhalation can kill you
5. It contributes to erosion
6. It decreases effectiveness of automobile brakes
7. It has been found in tumors of terminal cancer
He asked fifty people if they supported a ban of the chemical.

Forty-three said yes and six were undecided. Only one knew that the chemical, ?dihydrogen monoxide? was water. The title of his prize winning project was, ?How Gullible are We?? He feels the conclusion is obvious.

source: jokes.comedycentral.com

1. Your salary is less than your tuition.
2. Your potted plants stay alive.
3. Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.
4. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
5. You have to pay your own credit card bill.
6. Mac & Cheese no longer counts as a well-balanced meal.
7. You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.
8. 8:00a.m. is not early.
9. You have to file for your own taxes.
10. You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.
11. You’re not carded anymore.
12. You carry an umbrella.
13. You learn that “Bachelor” is a nicer term for a jackass.
14. “Extended childhood” only really pertains to your salary, which is a little less than your allowance used to be.
15. “Twenty-something” means over-qualified, under-paid, and not married.
16. Your friends marry instead of hook-up, and divorce instead of break-up.
17. You start watching the weather channel.
18. Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.
19. You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a sinus attack.
20. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
21. You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.
22. You go to parties that the police don’t raid.
23. Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front of you.
24. You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.
25. Your car insurance goes down.
26. You refer to college students as kids.
27. You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer, bourbon, and rum.

source:http://politicalhumor.about.com?

Sen. Hillary Clinton brought partisan sniping to a new level when she likened President Bush to the world’s most famous doofus. “I sometimes feel that Alfred E. Neuman is in charge in Washington,” Clinton said in a speech in Aspen, Colo., referring to Mad Magazine’s freckle-faced icon. She drew a laugh from the crowd as she described Bush’s attitude toward tough issues with Neuman’s catchphrase: “What, me worry?”

Bush bashers first drew this rather obvious comparison years ago, but Republicans were newly irked by the affront from the undeclared 2008 presidential hopeful. It could have been worse, though. She could have compared him to a chimp, Dark Lord, Gollum, or, worse, a girlie man.

Conan O’Brien: “In a speech this week, Hillary Clinton compared President Bush to Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Neuman. … After hearing this the president said, ‘Finally a literary reference I can understand.’”

source: news.bbc.co.uk

At least 87 people have died after a budget airliner crashed after landing in heavy rain at the Thai holiday resort of Phuket, officials say.

The aircraft slipped off the runway and exploded into flames. It was carrying 123 passengers – most of them foreigners – and seven crew.

About 40 people escaped the burning wreckage and were taken to hospital.

Flight OG 269, operated by airline One-Two-Go, had flown to Phuket from the Thai capital, Bangkok.

Officials say at least 87 people were confirmed dead after the plane skidded off the runway in strong winds and driving rain on Sunday.

A French tourist aboard a plane behind the one that crashed told AFP news agency she saw the accident happen.

“When the plane landed it caught fire,” she said. “We could see the fire coming out of it.”

Survivors crawled out of the wreckage through thick smoke, many of them badly burned.

Passenger Parinwit Chusaeng told Thai TV: “I saw passengers engulfed in fire as I stepped over them on the way out of the plane.

“I was afraid that the airplane was going to explode, so I ran away.”

Aborted landing?

Phuket Deputy Governor Worapot Ratthaseema said 42 people had been taken to hospital. Five are said to be in critical condition.

In pictures: Thai crash

At least 70 of the passengers were foreigners, officials said.

Hospital officials told AFP news agency that those injured included nationals from Australia, Britain, France, Iran, Ireland, Italy, the Netherlands, and Sweden.

Both the pilot and co-pilot of the McDonnell Douglas MD-82 are among the survivors.

The flight, en route from Bangkok, was approaching Phuket airport when the pilot asked to abort the landing, an aviation official told Thai television.

“The control tower allowed it but the aircraft fell to the runway and the body broke,” he said.

One-Two-Go is one of Thailand’s first budget airlines.

It was set up in December 2003 as a subsidiary of Orient Thai Airways, and services domestic routes.

This is Thailand’s deadliest aviation accident since December 1998, when 101 people were killed after a Thai Airways crashed on landing near another southern resort.

?source: www.albawaba.comGrapheast launches new MAXON CINEMA 4D solution at GITEX Technology Week

MAXON appoints Grapheast as exclusive distributor in MENA region

September 10, 2007

Grapheast, a leading graphics solutions provider and software distributor, announced the launch of MAXON CINEMA 4D application today (September 10, 2007) at Stand 430, Hall 4 during GITEX Technology Week 2007. This marks the first time that the commercial cross platform high-end 3D graphics application is available in the region, following the appointment of Grapheast as the exclusive distributor of MAXON products in the Middle East and North Africa.

CINEMA 4D is a 3D application that is popular amongst matte painters and motion graphics artists, and has been used for films such as Polar Express, Open Season and Monster House. It is well known for its BodyPaint 3D functionality, and its excellent integration with compositing application pipelines coupled with a very artist friendly and customizable workflow. Furthermore, CINEMA 4D’s completely customizable interface allows for easy redesign of layouts, palettes and even menus to match the artist?s personal workflow or particular tasks. Every tool is completely integrated and can be added, or accessed, within any layout.

Commenting on the launch, John Boutros, General Manager of Grapheast, said, ?CINEMA 4D is perfect for our region, as it is the best 3D software choice for small to medium businesses.? In addition to running on both Mac and PC, the product is available as a core program with a number of available add-on modules. Its strongest points are certainly its stability, ease of use and versatility, and it is also famous for its ability of rendering high quality images in short time ? a key feature that many of our customers look for.”
MAXON has earned praise from reviewers around the world for the CINEMA 4D solution, with users praising the product?s outstanding workflow and rendering prowess. Since its initial launch in 1996, the software has consistently earned ?Product of the Year? and ?Editor’s Choice? awards for its excellence from PC world, MACworld, and many more.

MAXON Computer is a global developer of professional 3D modeling, painting, animation and rendering solutions, with its award-winning products regularly used in the film, television, science, architecture, engineering and other industries. Headquartered in Germany, MAXON also has offices in the United States, the United Kingdom and Japan.

Sure, we’ve seen individuals getting their hand slapped (or worse) for browsing the internet a bit too often, but you’d assume that having a dad who envisioned the Redmond powerhouse and pays the bills by way of computing would be the perfect father figure for the computer-addicted. Apparently, that’s not exactly so, as a recent Reuters report tells of Bill Gates himself clamping down on his 10-year old daughter’s internet and gaming time. According to Bill, his oldest gal wasn’t even into the ‘net until this school year, where tablet PCs became a necessary tool, but now that she’s found access to a never-ending supply of information, her habits have suddenly changed. She latched onto Viva Pi?ata, purportedly playing for “two to three hours per day,” after which her health started deteriorating and her chore accomplishments plummeted. Although we mention those last bits in jest, Mr. Gates slapped down a “45-minutes per day” law for non-school related computing tasks on the weekdays, and added just 15 minutes for weekends, probably garnering quite the evil eye and stirring up early thoughts of rebellion in his youngster. Seriously Bill, if you’re that worried about daddy’s little girl stumbling upon some form of cyber predator, there’s always the parent-approved IM-Me, but throwing time restrictions on your own products is just a tad illogical, no?

source: www.pcworld.com

Tens of thousands of Microsoft employees flocked last week to hear Gates speak one last time before he leaves the company he co-founded.

One last chance to hear Bill Gates speak before he leaves the company he co-founded to head up his humanitarian efforts drew tens of thousands of Microsoft employees to the company’s annual meeting at Safeco Field in Seattle late last week.

But garnering the most buzz, according to attendees blogging about Thursday’s event, was a demo of Microsoft’s revamp to its flagship Web search engine, which is expected to be launched later this month. Additionally, CEO Steve Ballmer‘s rousing call for Microsoft to be “bold” and incorporate great design into its products — the strategy that has lifted rival Apple — made a big impression.

Others hailed Chief Software Architect Ray Ozzie‘s speech on Microsoft’s “software+services” vision, and the awarding of a new technical award to the longtime Microsoft engineer who headed up the development of Windows NT among other products.

Mini-Microsoft, the anonymous blog purportedly written by a Microsoft employee, enthused in its typical, half-sarcastic way: “I love this company. I love this company’s Company Meeting.”

Criticism of the all-day event, which takes place every year at the home field of baseball’s Seattle Mariners, included the lack of parody videos as have been presented in the past, and other product demos so boring they inspired employees sitting in the upper decks to rain paper airplanes onto employees sitting at field level.

Estimates of this year’s attendance ranged from 20,000 to 35,000.

A Live Wire

At the meeting, a new version of Windows Live Search was shown off. Live Search 2.0 will include better relevance, a larger index, instant answers and other features, attendees said. It’s all an attempt to match Google technically and bolster Microsoft’s small search-market share.

Microsoft reportedly plans to launch Live Search 2.0 later this month. But Mini-Microsoft called for the company to ship Live Search 2.0 “Now. Right now. Ship it please. Awesome stuff.”

Other demos were not as well-received, and some lacked polish. Attendees critiquing those presentations called for greater brevity and more technical info, with fewer dumbed-down sales spiels.

“Some interesting stuff, but each of the speakers could have made their points in about half the time. The demos were particularly bad as there was no good motivation for each,” complained one commenter to Mini-Microsoft.

Many external observers were interested in the announcement that Microsoft will begin a new Wi-Fi-enabled commuter bus service to help employees beat Seattle traffic jams.

Microsoft also said it will rent space in a number of Seattle office buildings developed by Microsoft’s other co-founder, Paul Allen. Last year’s big external announcement was that Microsoft had donated more than US$2.5 billion in cash, goods and employee contributions to charity since 1983.

Microsoft said it had added 12,800 employees worldwide in its most recent fiscal year ending June 30, while losing 8.3 percent of employees to attrition, according to one attendee report.

One of those new Microsoft employees blogged that the meeting “the weirdest thing ever. More like a rally than a meeting.”

He drew an illustration that showed where attendees in matching hats or shirts sat, and that in at least three different locations around SafeCo field, there was “no beer.”

Speech, Speech

Gates’ swan song speech was tepidly received by many attendees, who said it was similar to speeches in the past.

The speech by Ozzie, who replaces Gates as Redmond’s chief visionary, received better reviews, though some groused that it lacked specifics.

There was plenty of praise for Ballmer’s speech, which attendees said gave a frank scorecard of how Microsoft is doing against competitors such as Apple, IBM, and Google.

Ballmer’s “report cards gave me faith that at least at his level, there is no reality distortion,” wrote one poster.

Another wrote about Ballmer’s speech: “He didn’t paint an overly rosy picture which is classic Microsoft self-criticism. It’s funny how the outside world doesn’t really see that side of the company.”

But another poster complained that that the event was too full of “rah-rah” speeches by anonymous executives that failed to give employees a good sense of the company’s vision, and how they can help enable that.

Legendary, Angry, Recognized

Meanwhile, Microsoft programming legend Dave Cutler was awarded the new Bill Gates Award, a technical award which one blogger dubbed “the new ultra-supreme award for contributions to Microsoft.”

At Digital Equipment, Cutler helped develop the VAX and VMS operating systems. At Microsoft, Cutler directly led the teams building Windows NT, as well as the 64-bit versions of Windows XP Pro and Windows Server 2003 SP. Cutler is now working on Microsoft’s Windows Live Platform.

Known as a gruff, no-nonsense boss whose high standards for bug-free code inspired employees to call him both the “greatest programmer/engineer project leader they’ve ever seen” as well as the “angriest and scariest person they’ve ever worked for,” Cutler received a standing ovation from thousands of employees when he received the award.

Justin Randall Timberlake (born January 31, 1981) is a two-time Grammy Award-winning American pop/R&B singer and actor. He came to fame as the frontman of pop boy band ‘N Sync. In 2002, he released his debut solo album, Justified, which went on to sell over seven million copies worldwide. Timberlake’s second solo release, FutureSex/LoveSounds, was released on September 12, 2006 including the hit songs “Sexyback” and “My Love”.

1. English – I love you

2. Latin – Te amo

3. Pig Latin – I-yea Ove-lea Ou-yea

4. Hindi – Main tumse muhabbat karta hoon

5. Punjabi – Main tainu pyar karna

6. Bengali – Aami tomaake bhaalo baashi

7. Gujarati – Tane Prem Karoo Choo

8. Tamil – Naan Unnai Kadhalikiren

9. Telugu – Nenu Ninnu Premisthunnanu

10. Sri Lankan – Mama oyata arderyi

11. Kapangpangan – Kaluguran daka

12. Farsi – Tora dost daram

13. Arabic – Ana ahebik

14. Turkish – Seni seviyorum

15. Kurdish – Ez te hezdikhem

16. Lebanese – Bahibak

17. Japanese – Kimi o ai shiteru

18. Chinese – Ngo oi ney

19. Mandarin – Wo ai ni

20. Taiwanese – Gwa ai lee

21. Korean – Dangsinul saranghee yo

22. Cambodian – Kh’nhaum soro’lahn nhee’ah

23. Hmong – Kuv Hlub Koj

24. Laon – Khoi hak jao

25. Filipino – Mahal ka ta

26. Malay – Saya cinta pada mu

27. Thai – Chan raak ther

28. Indonesian – Saya cinta padamu

29. Javanese – Aku terno kowe

30. Burmese – Chit pa te

31. Bisaya – Nahigugma ko nimo

32. French – Je t’aime

33. German – Ich liebe dich

34. Bavarian – I mog di narrisch gern

35. Swiss-German – Ch’ha di ga”rn

36. Spanish – Te adoro

37. Madrid lingo – Me molas, tronca

38. Basque – Nere maitea

39. Catalan – T’estim

40. Esperanto – Mi amas vin

41. Creole – Mi aime jou

42. Lojban – mi do prami

43. Portuguese – Eu amo te

44. Italian – Ti amo

45. Greek – S’ayapo

46. Macedonian – Te ljubam

47. Albanian – Te dua

48. Dutch – Ik hou van je

49. Flemish – Ik zie oe geerne

50. Vlaams – Ik hou van jou

51. Friesian – Ik bin fereale op dy

52. Luxembourgish – Ech hun dech ga ‘r

53. Gaelic – Tha gaol agam ort

54. Welsh – Rwy’n dy garu di

55. Irish – Taim i’ ngra leat

56. Maltese – Inhobbok

57. Icelandic – Eg elska thig

58. Greenlandic – Asavakit

59. Danish – Jeg elsker dig

60. Norwegian – Jeg elsker deg

61. Swedish – Jag a lskar dig

62. Finnish – rakastan sinua

63. Polish – Kocham cie

64. Hungarian – Szeretlek

65. Bulgarian – Obicham te

66. Romanian – Te iubesc

67. Yugoslavian – Ja te volim

68. Czech – Miluji te

69. Slovak – Lubim ta

70. Bosnian – Volim te

71. Croatian – Volim te

72. Serbian – Volim te

73. Russian – Ya tyebya lyublyu

74. Ukrainian – Ya tebe kokhayu

75. Estonian – Mina armastan sind

76. Latvian – Es tevi milu

77. Lithuanian – Tave myliu

78. Armenian – Yes kez si’rumem

79. Assyr – Az tha hijthmekem

80. Kazakh – Men seny jaksy kuremyn

81. Yiddish – Ikh hob dikh lib

82. Bicol – Namumutan ta ka

83. Berber – Lakh tirikh

84. Amharic – Afekrishalehou

85. Moroccan – Kanbhik

86. Tunisian – Ha eh bak

87. Somali – Waan ku gealahay

88. Kenyan – Aheri

89. Lingala – Nalingi yo

90. Ugandan – Nkwagala Nyo

91. Zulu – Mena tanda wena

92. Ndebele – Niyakutanda

93. Hausa – Ina sonki

94. Shona – Ndinokuda

95. Swahili – Nakupenda

96. Afrikaans – Ek is lief vir jou

97. Vulcan – Wani ra yana ro aisha

98. Tahitian – Ua here au ia oe

99. Hawaiian – Aloha wau ia oi

100. Samoan – Ou te alofa outou

101. Brazilian – Eu te amo

102. Bolivian – Qanta munani

103. Hokkien – Wa ai lu

104. Apache – Sheth she ‘n zho ‘n

105. Cheyenne – Ne mohotatse

106. Chickasaw – Chiholloli

107. Hopi – Nu’ umi unangw’ta

108. Mohawk – Konoronhkwa

109. Navajo – Ayor anosh’ni

110. Sioux – Techihhila

111. Zuni – Tom ho’ ichema

112. Eskimo – Nagligivaget

Man?s brain, age 12 – 104 (funny)